


i need help believing you're with me tonight

by bearcantwrite



Category: Cats - Andrew Lloyd Webber
Genre: Comfort, Consent, Cunnilingus, Established Relationship, Explicit Consent, F/F, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Internal Monologue, Multiple Orgasms, Past Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Praise Kink, Smut, Tails, well by multiple i mean 2 but regardless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-10-21 11:42:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20692949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearcantwrite/pseuds/bearcantwrite
Summary: Demeter and Bombalurina have some much needed private time, and they intend to use it well.





	i need help believing you're with me tonight

**Author's Note:**

> first of all why isnt there a bomb/deme tag smh get on that shit ao3
> 
> second i'm a dirty sinner i know :(

Demeter’s trembling.

Drunk off the soft glow of the Jellicle moon, in a quiet and secluded place of the junkyard, for the first time in a long, long, while, Demeter is – once again – working the courage to let herself into someone else’s hands just for a little while.

Bombalurina asked her countless times, _Do you really want this? Will you be okay? Will you tell me to stop at any point if you need me to?_

While Demeter appreciated the sentiment and could abide with just laying in the other tortie’s arms the rest of the evening, she knew this was inevitable; she can’t always stop in the midst of a session just to catch her breath and stop trembling; this level of intimacy was just another bridge she’d have to burn.

So she told Bombalurina, _I’m ready. I want this. I want this now._

And now they’re here, Demeter watching Bombalurina slowly move on top of her and letting each kiss grow longer and longer. When Demeter closes her eyes into their kiss, she feels warm inside, almost safe. Bombalurina is the only one who’s actually kissed her, and as Demeter’s cupping the other tortie’s cheeks, she’s almost in awe of how gentle her lover is. Bombalurina generally had a very forward nature, where she got where she wanted and she got it now, but this was probably the slowest she’s ever moved. Demeter knows she doesn’t mind, so all is well as their lips meet with one another.

Until she leans her head back and closes her eyes to allow access to her neck, where she suddenly pictures a ginger cat performing the same action. She flinches when lips touch her neck and her claws extend by instinct. “Wait,” she chokes with her heart stuck in her throat. She cups the cheeks of Bombalurina to bring her away and meets gentle amber eyes instead of sunken in, black beads that would stare right into her soul. Bombalurina’s eyes pool with worry, like she’s ready to roll off the tortie-and-white, but Demeter takes a couple of deep breaths and tells her to keep going. _Macavity’s not there,_ she thinks over and over in her mind. _Macavity’s not there._

Soft lips meet her neck again, not with harsh bites, but with gentle kisses and playful nibbles that make the two of them giggle like kittens. They kiss down to her collarbone, then just a little lower down towards her chest before Demeter grabs Bombalurina’s shoulder to meet her eyes with despair. It’s typically at this point where Demeter starts shaking hard and tells her to stop for good, but Demeter refuses to say those words now. She refuses to let an old memory take the best of her, after she’s worked up all this courage to let tonight happen. Instead, Demeter whispers, “Not there.” _Macavity’s not there._

Bombalurina moves past her torso and instead leaves a tender kiss on Demeter’s stomach. Demeter gives a gentle squeak and feels a smile against her soft belly. _Macavity never smiled. That’s how I know that it’s okay; I’m safe._ She hears Bombalurina giggle and can’t help a grin of her own, sighing slowly and contently as she felt her lover slowly kiss down her body, but kept a tight grip on her hand and watched Bombalurina’s every move as not to let her mind wander.

“Deme,” Bombalurina breathes. “I.. I wanna touch you…”

Demeter catches her bottom lip between her teeth. “Where?”

“Anywhere… will you let me touch you?”

Demeter ponders, lost in thought. On one hand, the thought of hands roaming her body and her being unaware of where they will go terrified her to the core. She worried she’d have the same feeling of disgust as whenever the ginger cat would touch her all over in places she didn’t want. On the other hand, she trusted Bombalurina. She knew the she-cat was as gentle as a butterfly whenever it came to handling her. Watching her would probably start the process of diminishing the feeling of Macavity’s hands on her. Plus, she’d give anything for that beautiful tortie to touch her _anywhere._ “Y… yes…” Demeter slowly murmurs. “You can… just be careful… please…”

Bombalurina starts at her waist, just under where Demeter proclaimed off limits. Her hands are not rough, they are not hasty, they are not eager. They touch her waist and stomach, fingers combing through the soft multicolored fur while Bombalurina leaves light kisses wherever she touches Demeter. “Beautiful,” she whispers. “Perfect, so perfect…”

Demeter can only respond with light whimpers and feels a sense of peace for just a moment. Bombalurina is simply running her fingers up and down her abdomen and leaving tender kisses, and Demeter feels like she wants nothing more. But then she closes her eyes and accidentally allows her mind to wander, and her body goes rigid with fear. She feels ragged hands with sharp claws grabbing all over her body, pinning her down, bruising her in places that made her yelp; she hears things whispered into her ear that make her want to curl up and die; she feels his god awful sneer forced against her lips; she remembers being ignorant in her ways and forcing herself into thinking it was enjoyable, when in reality she knew she just wanted him off, off, _off get off getoffgethimoff–_

“Demeter.” Demeter’s eyes snap open as she meets worried amber eyes again, and the phantom touches and nasty words disappear into thin air. “Did you hear me?” The tortie above her asks. Demeter shakes her head. “You weren’t answering me…” Bombalurina gently cups her cheek. “You look pale. It’s just me, Deme.”

She looks about ready to climb off when Demeter quickly responds with “No,” and grabs her arm. “No, touch me… touch me… keep going, please.” Demeter feels like a fool for begging, but she presses one leg against her lover’s waist to prove a point. _I can’t give up. I’ve worked so hard and gotten so far. I feel like it’s the only way I can rinse his hands off me once and for all; if I look down and see her eyes looking back at me._

Bombalurina comprehends the moment, then leaves a sweet kiss on her lips. In the kiss, Demeter feels a soft tail creep up to her front, slowly trailing down further and further until it reaches in between her legs. Bombalurina pauses. The tortie-and-white takes a breath and – after a moment or two – murmurs, “Go ahead.” Demeter feels her lover’s tail rub her core in a gentle up-and-down motion, keeping eye contact the whole time as she feels the tip of Bombalurina’s tail barely push in and out, in a mock-thrusting pattern. She initially squeaks at the new feeling she hasn’t felt in so long, her muscles grow tense and her eyes grow heavy.

“Don’t close your eyes.” Bombalurina cups both of Demeter’s cheeks. “Stay with me. Is this okay?”

Demeter’s somewhat-steady breath starts to lose control as a familiar feeling sparks her gut. “Yes,” she breathes. “Keep going.” Her legs slowly start to fall apart to either side. She’s in such disbelief of what’s happening, she could almost laugh. Only so long ago would she not even let Bombalurina touch her, and now the tortie-and-white was literally getting _fucked_ by her lover’s tail.

Demeter’s always associated her feelings of arousal with feelings of shame, regret, guilt, uncleanliness. Whenever Bombalurina would mess around with Tugger and look back at Demeter with a wink, the tortie-and-white would scamper off somewhere just to rid herself of those _dirty_ feelings; it worked two ways, by either distracting her mind or… doing the deed herself, which was extremely rare and almost always ended in yet more feelings of regret. But now, Demeter is here, letting Bombalurina put her hands on her, kiss her, whatever else she would want to do. She trusts Bombalurina, the patient and loving tortie who always respected her boundaries in the best ways she could. She wants Bombalurina, and Bombalurina wants her. They’ve only begun, but she doesn’t mind Bombalurina laying her out and making her feel good.

She knows Bombalurina feels the same way. The tip of her tail pumps slowly as she kisses up Demeter’s neck to her soft ear. “You’re doing great,” she encourages in a soft tone. “That’s my Demeter…” Demeter feels her tail move in just a touch deeper and a heated chill goes up her spine, with that brings a shuddered out noise that was initially embarrassing. But it apparently pleased the other tortie, as she gave the same noise – except more sultry and drawn out – in return. “Yeah?” She nipped at Demeter’s soft, patchy ear. “Does it feel good?”

“Yes.” Demeter doesn’t know why it’s so hard to speak, but in the _right_ way. She can hardly believe she’s doing what she’s doing, but her hips slowly twitch forward and her voice wavers as she says, “I’ll do anything for you to go faster. I… want more.”

“Say it again,” Bombalurina breathes. “I need to know if you _really_ want it.” Her intent is sincere, but her tone is so hot and heavy that Demeter feels a shiver go up her spine.

“Give me more,” Demeter moans out louder. “Do something, anything. I’ll… if there’s something you want me to do, I’ll do it.” Demeter then feels an emptiness inside her where the tortie’s tail used to be and she rolls her hips forward, confused. She gives an instinctive whimper but then watches Bombalurina scoot backward and sit upright, the tortie beckoning her close. Demeter abides by the request and sits in front of Bombalurina, who’s slowly spreading her legs to reveal her own heat. “Wh… oh–!” Demeter blushes. “You want me to…”

“Only if you want,” Bombalurina pets her cheek. “Just tell me. I only want to give you the option to wait a little.” She closes her legs, seemingly out of embarrassment.

Demeter would be lying if she said she hasn’t thought about this before, multiple times. Getting between her legs, pleasing her, obeying whatever order she was given, cherishing every heavenly noise that would slip from her perfect lips, making her cum… oh, Demeter doesn’t want to think about that. That just might make her combust. With just the slightest hint of blush on her fluffy white cheeks, Demeter looks up with big eyes and nods. “I’ll do it,” she answers, simply and quietly. “I’ll… do anything you want me to.”

Bombalurina is unreadable for a few moments. But then, after what feels like ages, she gives a sly and beyond sexy grin and cups Demeter’s chin to bring her in for a kiss. “That’s what I want to hear,” she coos against her lips and giggles. “Don’t be shy. Do what you think feels right.”

Demeter feels her core grow more and more soaked as she eyes the tortie’s core. Only Everlasting Cat knows how much that look in Bombalurina’s eyes drives Demeter crazy. It’s warm and inviting, but downright irresistible. Demeter settles in between her legs, her tail nervously twitches from side to side. She awkwardly stares for a moment or two to study the sight before her, until she leans in to slowly and gently drag her tongue up her core. Bombalurina’s muscles tense up and her breath hitches as a result. Demeter is careful and precise, licking slowly and carefully, listening to each shaky breath Bombalurina would take.

She spots her lover’s clitoris, soaked and throbbing and practically begging to be touched and is drawn to it like a moth to a flame. She continues her slow licks and suddenly feels Bombalurina’s hips twitch up, trying not to thrust right against the tortie-and-white’s face. Demeter takes that as a sign of approval, and focuses on that. She feels a hand rest on her head and gently run through the fluff on top of it, showing caution as to not grip it. “Faster,” Bombalurina says.

Demeter then thinks up something new. She latches onto Bombalurina’s core and suckles tenderly once or twice, and Bombalurina moans. Sweet Everlasting Cat, she moans. It’s breathy, it’s low, it’s long, and it’s perfect. Demeter sucks harder, Bombalurina moans louder, Demeter becomes wetter. It’s a perfect cycle. Demeter carefully but swiftly swirls her tongue around Bombalurina’s core, listening to the tortie moan out many vulgarities followed by her name. “Demeter,” she moans. “Fuck– _Demeter._ That’s really good… you’re so good. So good for me.”

Demeter looks up and can’t help an audible whine. Those amber eyes seem to glow in the moon, and when Bombalurina smirks and bites her lip like that, oh _god._ Demeter feels like she has almost no choice but only to lap at her more efficiently, just to hear Bombalurina moan her name like that again. Now both hands are on the top of Demeter’s head, gently coaxing her face in deeper. Bombalurina starts to frantically mutter something over and over again, but Demeter doesn’t pay enough attention to comprehend what it really is. Just a couple seconds after, Bombalurina suddenly throws her head back and bucks her hips forward, letting out the most drawn out, desperate, beautiful moan as she ends up falling backwards onto her back to catch her breath.

When it’s all over, Demeter pulls away curiously. _Did she cum?_

Bombalurina looks up at the big-eyed Demeter between her legs and smiles. “Come here,” she says. Demeter scoots over beside her. Bombalurina pants heavily and eyes her lover up and down. “... are you sure you’ve never been with a girl before?”

Demeter blushes bright red. “I’m– I’m sure. Was I good?”

“Very.”

“I’ve always wondered what it felt like, honestly.”

Bombalurina smirks. “Really?”

“Yeah– oop!” Demeter squeaks as she’s suddenly pulled by her thighs on top of Bombalurina and stares down at her with intrigue. “What are you doing?” She murmurs.

Bombalurina smirks and slowly trails her fingers down Demeter's front, just stopping at her crotch. "Something a little different,” she said with a smile. “You said you wanted to know what it felt like… right?”

Demeter blushes. “Well… yeah.”

“That’s what I’m doing.”

“But–” Demeter says at a nearly inaudible volume. “Am I not crushing you?”

The tortie shakes her head. “Not at all,” she breathes. “You just relax and let me do the work.” Demeter watches Bombalurina rest her hands on the tortie-and-white’s hips and slowly bring them closer down to her face, her soft lips and light breath ghosting right against her core, making Demeter shudder out another uncontrolled moan. “I can't believe how wet you are…” Bombalurina coos, smirking almost cleverly. “Do I really drive you crazy?”

Demeter nods. “Yes… it’s kind of embarrassing. Sometimes, when… when you’d mess around with Tugger and look at me like that, I’d– I’d run off somewhere to– _ah,_ fuck-!” Demeter feels herself go bright red when she curses by accident. Whilst rambling, Bombalurina had started out with slow and gentle laps against her core, smirking against her. She occasionally lets out a moan while carefully and slowly licking at her. Demeter covers her mouth and her thighs tremble. “B-Bom– oh, Bom, oh _yes._”

Bombalurina’s tongue drags slowly up and down Demeter's core and occasionally dips into her entrance. “You think I don’t know?” She chuckles underneath. “I’ve seen the way you look at me…” her tongue swipes across Demeter’s clit and the tortie-and-white gives a louder moan of her name. "You’re so sensitive," she murmurs, teasing the throbbing nub of flesh that makes Demeter whimper. “Especially right here.” She pauses and looks up at her. “Is it okay if I go faster?”

“Please,” Demeter begs. “Please, Bom, _please._”

With that, Bombalurina pulls Demeter's hips down all the way onto her face and begins to show off more of her… skill. She rapidly swipes and swirls her tongue across her clit and allows Demeter to grind on her lips, gazing at her with striking amber eyes while rubbing up and down her waist. At first, Demeter is shocked and her breath is taken away. “Bombalurina–!” She exclaims, completely rigid. However, she begins to very gradually relax as she feels pleasure she’s never even been offered in her life. Bombalurina is so gentle and loving, yet she’s also so desirable and skilled that it drives poor Demeter’s senses up the wall. Out of fear, Demeter doesn’t stop looking into Bombalurina’s eyes, but feels a sense of safety when she meets the tortie’s sultry look and feels Bombalurina latch onto her clit and suckle deeply, just as Demeter did to her. Part of what makes Demeter feel so safe is knowing she never would have experienced this type of pleasure, this type of intimacy, so long ago. The faster Bombalurina laps at her, the more Demeter remembers how _good_ it really feels, and how she becomes desperate for more with every passing moment. Her tail twitches and her thighs tremble as she rolls her hips down in a rhythm.

“Yes,” Demeter says over and over again. “Yesyesyesyes_yes!_ I love you. I need this. I need you. Don’t stop. Right there. Faster.” All of her pleas and cries are met with equally hot moans and soothing purrs from the tortie below her. While her pleasure only grows greater and greater, Demeter feels Bombalurina’s hands travel upward towards her waist, stopping right at her midriff, where Demeter rests her hands on the other tortie’s. They end up intertwining their fingers with a shared, brief, exchange of looks with one another that makes the other giggle. Demeter’s giggle is cut off by yet another loud moan. (It makes Bombalurina laugh, but she keeps going nonetheless.)

Without much effort therefore after, Demeter’s breath grows hard to control as she feels something warm tingle and build up in her gut that only makes her legs tremble harder. “Wait, Bom,” she gasps out, struggling to keep her balance. Bombalurina stops immediately, a good chance for her to catch her breath, and Demeter feels the feeling begin to slip away, leaving her unsatisfied. _No,_ she thinks. _I need it._ “I’m close,” is all Demeter can whine.

Bombalurina smiles and only pushes her face in deeper. As she continues to lick at Demeter, all it takes for Demeter to completely lose it is for Bombalurina to say in a husky tone, “Cum for me.”

“Yes, yes. Oh shit– no, waitwaitwait– yesyes _holyfuckI’mgonna–_” Demeter experiences a rollercoaster of thoughts the last two seconds before she throws her head back and comes harder than she’s ever expected to for the first time in a long, long while. The feeling is so immense and so riveting, Demeter can barely make a sound at first. Her eyes roll back and squeeze shut, her jaw drops, she grips to whatever she can find to keep from toppling over as an orgasm skyrockets and flows through her veins like it were her own blood. When she finally thinks it’s all over, it comes back even stronger and she _screams._ She cries for her lover like it’s their last moment together, over and over, her hips rocking against the tortie’s mouth over and over. Her whole body convulses and trembles and twitches for what feels like ages until the feeling finally subsides and Demeter collapses beside Bombalurina, her eyes glazed over.

She’s gone for a while until she hears Bombalurina’s tender – yet tired – voice. “Demeter… come back… look at me… come back to me, Deme.” Demeter blinks and finds herself in the tortie’s embrace, with only the moonlight to keep them company. Bombalurina is holding her face and keeping her close. “How do you feel?”

Demeter can’t answer for a while. She has to catch her breath, her chest still heaving and ragged. When she finally has the chance to speak, she instead nuzzles into Bombalurina with a strong purr. “I love you,” she whispers. “I want you…”

Bombalurina holds her tighter, her voice being the last thing Demeter hears before she goes to sleep. “I love you,” she croons. “I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

They stay like that for a moment, in each other’s arms, taking in the other’s scent, limbs entangled and entwined with one another. Demeter is enjoying the warmth and safety of Bombalurina’s chest when she hears the tortie mutter, “You should curse more often.”

Demeter’s ears flatten against her head and she only pushes her face in deeper. “Shut up.” She’s smiling, though. Mainly from Bombalurina snorting with laughter. “If I weren’t exhausted, I’d ask for another round,” Demeter admits, embarrassed.

This surprises Bombalurina, and makes her snicker. “Really?”

Demeter blushes and leaves a chilling kiss on Bombalurina’s neck. “I’m not fragile,” she replies. “Maybe we’ll see in the morning.”

Bombalurina hisses softly, in surprise, through her teeth before she grins and starts letting out her usual soft, smooth purrs. “Yeah. We’ll see.” She nuzzles into Demeter before drifting off.

And for once, Demeter doesn’t mind closing her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> please dont unfollow


End file.
